Stay through the Pain
by Karkitty88
Summary: TW self harm, suicide attempts, suicidal thoughts, cutting. Karkat feels like it's all his fault. He hates his life, and himself. But if he ended it... Well here comes Dave Strider to the rescue! ((There is more to the plot, I'm just bad at writing summeries...)) DaveKat Dave and Karkat. Yes. Rated M for future chapters. Humanstuck sadstuck
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know my writing sucks, but yeah... **chapter word count: 577

It was a long day. Miserable as always.

I walked into my small apartment, sitting down on the couch and running a hand through my jet black hair. Another day of being sexually assaulted just to get a couple extra bucks to pay for this already shitty home. But I guess I should be great full, at lease I had a place to call home. That never changed anything though. My life was a straight on living hell, filled with pain and sorrow and knowing it was me. It had always been me.

Kanaya had told me several time, before I cut her out of my life just like I did all the others, that it wasn't my fault that my brother and father died. But it was my fault. They died at my hand. I caused their death.

I guess I should start from the beginning.

Two months ago, I lived happily with my older brother Kankri and my dad. Sure we weren't the ideal family, but we got along, for the most park. My father took part in a group that was dedicated to people and their rights. He was always supportive of my choice to be gay. All in all, my dad was my role model, though I never showed that.

Kankri was three years older that me. He was always very worried about triggering people, and always gave me lectures in public to get his point across. Though behind the curtains, he would be so nice. My father and him had the perfect relationship while I was the odd man out, but they stilled loved me all the same.

Well... that was until that day...

"Karkat! Enough! I'm sick and tired of you not following the rules! This is the third time this week you have been escorted out of school by the police!" My father boomed, rage filling face.

"They were making fun of my eyes! Again! Do you know how much that pisses me off!"

"You know I have to deal with the same problem. It doesn't bother me." Kankri casually added in. At this point, I was raged.

"That's only because you have your stupid ass little boyfriend Cronus to come to the rescue! Has it ever occurred to you that he is tired of your bullshit! Every one fucking HATES you Kankri! You ass sucking little piece of shit!"

He looked at me, tears welling up in his eyes.

Fuck... I forgot how sensitive he was...

"How dare you say that!?"

"Ugh he's a fucking cry baby! So what, dad!?" I shouted. "Just get out of my fucking life! Both of you! I hate you both!"

My father stood there for a moment, thinking perhaps? I couldn't tell.

"Kankri, come on, we are going for a drive. Karkat, you stay here." He said calmly, grabbing my sobbing older brother.

"Fuck you, I hope you die..."

Little did I know it would be the last time I see them.

I sighed, removing any article of clothing and placing them aside. I turned the shower on, making sure the water was extra hot. I looked down at my arms. I saw the fresh cuts littering my wrist, and felt myself smile. This was my only way to my happiness. The only way I can take my mind off of it all. The pain. The sorrow. The lonely night. The pain of just being me...


	2. Chapter 2

**ok so please review been though it's really bad! I just... Meh! Well anyways, word count is 611. For this chapter.**

"Fuck..." I muttered, looking down at the small cut on my finger.

I was working at my day job which was a small cafe on the outskirts of town. Only one person here was close enough to me to know what I've been through. That person was Gamzee.

Gamzee and I had been friends since the third grade, and it's only carried on since then. We knew everything there was to know about each other. More than not, I would find myself at his door, crying and trying to stop myself from hurting again. Since he moved closer to work though, that's when I really started.

At this moment, I've only been clean for the last five hours. I had created an extra set of cuts over the ones that were healing, slowly. Gamzee would be mad, but I didn't think much of it at the time... I was too distracted.

"You alright, Karbro?"

Speak of the Devil.

"Yeah I'm fine... can you get me a bandaid?" I asked, making eye contact with my friend. Sure purple wasn't a normal eye color either... but at least they were calming... Purple: royalty. Red: Rage, anger.

"Umm, bro, I don't think one little bandaid is going to work for that..." he looked down, making it far too obvious WHERE he was looking. Well fuck.

"Not like it's the first time..." I muttered, looking at my feet. Gamzee frowned.

"Karkat, ya gotta stop this hurting yourself businesses..." he wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace. I hugged back, not letting myself cry. Not yet at least.

The little bell at the door rang and me and Gam seperated instantly. "Hello welcome to Kelly cafe, what may I get you?" I asked to the person who had just walked in.

"One chocolate mocha..." he asked, pushing his shades up to the bridge of his nose. Why would you wear shades indoors? Weird fucking people on this planet.

"OK, I'll have that for you as soon as fucking possible..." I pouted, about to walk into the back to make the beverage, when I turned around. "Fucking cool kids..." I retorted and continued with my previous actions.

"Well didn't some one wake up on the wrong side of the bed, eh?" I could hear the blond snicker. Fucking asshole, who does he think he is!?

"Eh? What are you, a fucking Canadian?" I questioned, scowl on my face. He smirked.

"I am not just a Canadian... I'm a mutt, mix of everything. And the best part is, I'm also a mutt in bed." He winked and I proceeded to blush.

"W-what the fuck!? That doesn't even make any fucking sense!" I stuttered. I could tell he was rolling his eyes under dark shades.

"Don't get your panties in a twist I was just kidding."

I threw my arms up in annoyance. Looking over at the right moment, I noticed he had caught a glimpse... I really need to start wearing long sleeves more... but then it would just look awkward in the middle of fucking summer!

"Hey... uh... er... you got something on yo-"

"Here is your coffee now get out." I cut him off harshly. He looked confused for a moment, but soon enough slowly grabbed the cup and left, giving me one last glance.

I sighed heavily. First customer who has ever noticed... and definitely the last to notice. "Gam, I never thought I would ask, but can I barrow a shirt or two from you?"

"Course you can." He smiled goofily. I smiled back, hugging him.


	3. Authors Note

**Ugh, sorry I've been so inactive lately! I've just been busy with school and what not. So yeah.**

**So, basically, this is just to say, this fanfiction is going to not be updated in a really long time. I've kinda lost interest in the story, and really, was only writing it to make myself less of a bummer about things. Kinda like, a story I'm writing, and using as my own rock? I don't know.**

**I also have a lot of ideas fro other stories. I'm currently working on a couple one shots and a Destiel (SPN fandom) Christmas fic.**

**So, thanks for understanding! Byeeee**

**~~~~~Andy~~~~~~~~**


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